Sunday, September 11, 2011

Memoirs for my daughter

Hello, my litlle Princess.

As I start writing this, you are already better. At first, I was too heart-broken and way too overwhelmed to even think about writing all this down so you can read it when you are all grown up, if you so choose.
But today, July 18, 2010, I finally got to it and I will continue to write for the next two years, until July 17, 2012, which will be the last day of your treatment. So, my sweet baby, here's the story of your recovery from A.L.L.: Acute Lymphoblastyc Leukemia.

It all started at the beginning of May with a simple fever. And then, a couple days later another one. And then on May 20, a visit to the Paediatrician, who reassured us it was only a virus. And then another fever, on May 24, when we went to the E.R. The diagnosis once again was that it was another virus. So until June 9 you had fevers, on and off, which would dissapear after a dose of Advil. On June 8 the fever started getting more and more agressive, it would not go away after the dose of Advil. I called Dr. McNay (your paediatrician) on June 9, I told him it's only getting worse and he told me to take you back to the E.R. I called Daddy, he left work, came home and we took you to the E.R. again. There they collected a blood sample and an hour later, they said they were inconcludent, so they took another one. A couple of agonizing hours later a Doctor came in the room and told us that it might be Leukemia. It was the worst thing anybody could have ever told us! We were heartbroken, devastated. I hope you will never know how that feels, when you will have children. I can not explain in words what I felt that day. It was as if someone reached into my chest and pulled my heart out. I was so scared, I didn't know anything about ALL, and I thought I will lose you.
I honestly can not tell much about that first night in the Hospital. Because I don't remember it.  I know they transferred us from ER to the PCCU (Paediatric Critical Care Unit). The next morning, Dr. Scheinemann took a bone morrow sample and a spinal liquid sample to have them tested in the lab. Around 6pm she called daddy and I to a small room. I told Daddy that is not a good sign if she won't talk to us in the room. Unfortunately, I was right. The nurse in charge of you, Kathy came with us in the room, which I guess was for moral support, more than anything else. She has a little girl, 2 days younger then you, and I think you really got to her, it really affected her what was happening to you. Anyway, Dr. Scheinemann informed daddy and I that the diagnosis was now officially confirmed, you have ALL. I don't remember much about that conversation, I remember Daddy crying, I remember asking if they can make you better, I remember an affirmative answer from the Dr. That was the best news we had in the past 24 hours! We were not going to lose you, after all. Oh, the relief! I couldn't even imagine being able to breath without you! You are the reason of my life! I love you more than life, I would kill and die for you a thousand time! The lenght of the treatment didn't matter, the 2 years didn't matter, what matters is that after the two years you will be better! You will grow up to be a Doctor, or a lawyer, or a waitress, no matter what, doesn't matter, important is that you will grow up!

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